Why is it that its so hard to leave a place. I have only lived and loved in lovely Isla Vista for a year, yet this day is a sad day. I couldnt let myself go to sleep last night. I just stayed up. Walked down to the ocean and watched the waves. All by myself. I have learned to love the silence and the freedom of my own company. Rebelution was like conditioner for my ears. And everything else around me stopped to count. All the parties. Guys. Drugs. Alcohol. Maybe I am being to honest right now, but I see this blog as the only place to water my thoughts. I am tired of living in a lie, where everything that exists is a constant search for approval and attention. Why do I care so much about what others think? I dont really know. I guess I always have. Through my life I have always been unhappy about myself and who I am. Think it is first now I really have started to appreciate who Emma is and what she is looking for. I wanna go back. Right now, miss my other half (my best girlfriend)..will never find a boyfriend here. I probably shouldnt have one either. What I need to do is to be myself and figure shit out. It will be weird to see everyone back home again. Just want these three weeks to be over with so I can return to the ocean. The Sun. The birds. And the trees. My trees.